On The Eve of My 40’s

 

 

via

I can’t believe this moment has come. The moment when I say good bye to my 30’s and welcome ??? the ‘older woman’ phase 40’s.

Inside I still feel 27. Sometimes I think I am 27 …until I look into a mirror or try on some clothes or run out to rescue the dry clothes from more rain. Then I feel a bit 39ish. My little brother and sister have now turned 27. It seems so, so young to me now. My sister has 2 kidlets and a loving partner. My brother has a long time girl friend of many years, a much loved member of our family she is.

I digress… from what I’m not sure. I don’t even know what I’m wanting to say this evening. I just thought it was important to seize the moment, this leap yeary year {it was a leap year the year I was born} and the one before I turn the big 40. Actually I was almost born on the 29th of February. I only made it by about half an hour and I’m very relieved I did. I’ve always felt annoyed for people born on the 29th of Feb. And to be born on the first day of my favourite season – what a bonus.

Digress again.

via

Ramble, ramble. Blah Blah. Nothing much to say that’s prolific or wise or of any great importance what so ever. I am sick though. Did I mention that in this boring old post? Ready for the older woman rant about illness? Woops, must be nearly 40, huh?

The whooping cough, although past the contagious phase thanks to the antibiotics {or so they say, at least}, is debilitating to say the least. Coughing fits are often and big, to the point of almost vomiting. My head pounds like I’ve got a migraine if I cough for too long. Then the head pain brings me to my knees for a little while. Thankfully it passes as long as the coughing does. Bedtime is difficult.  I’m sitting up in bed to sleep. I’ve got my homeopathics, tissue salts and chinese cough medicine on my bedside table ready for the next attack. It helps a little but not enough. I’ve had to cancel my birthday dinner which was to be tomorrow night. I’m feeling flat about it but better than coughing and wetting myself in such a public way, I feel. My sister’s kidlets have also got whooping cough, so too my very dear family friends.

That brings me to the other down side of whooping cough at 39, almost 40. I so wish I had done more pelvic floor exercises. Honestly it’s a nightmare. that’s all I’ll say about that but I know many of you know exactly what I’m sayin. Don’t you?

OK, what else have I got to blab about? Maybe it’s time for a bit of gratefulness {thanks for the lovely thought of gratefulness this past year, Bron x} 

I have definitely been in a whingey whiney, poor me kind of phase – this past year of being 39. I’ve felt what it’s like to be in quite serious financial difficulties. I’ve had to give up a home that I’ve put all of my heart into for the past 6 years. I’ve had to face more relationship troubles and work on ways of making my life less stressful. I’ve had to think about the future in a different way. I’ve had to enter the building phase again and it ’s certainly come with all of the stresses building brings with it.

But, I have a beautiful son who is healthy and happy and who I love with all of my heart. I have sisters and brothers and a dad and a step mother and a Nan and a grandpa and a grandma and aunties and uncles and gorgeous nieces and nephews and beautiful, beautiful friends. I live in a country where I can speak my mind and worship God without fear of stoning or arrest. I get to whinge and whine with the best of them about our political state yet I am very well aware that I need to be grateful for the systems that we have in place here in this country compared to those less fortunate. I am grateful that I get to homeschool my child and can get by, just, on one income. I am thankful that I am relatively healthy and able and have two legs to get my butt to the gym very, very soon.

But mostly I’m grateful to God who has kept me all of these 39 years in His care. He has put me exactly where I need to be. No mistakes about it. I need to trust in that, in Him and keep my mind on the things of the Bible and Christ and not on my worries and whinging. It brings me no good, only crap.

So, I’m cheersing to me, on the ever of my 40’s.

Here goes - May my 40’s be filled with a much more grateful heart. May I be thankful for all things – good and difficult and know that they are there for my good, somehow, whether I understand it or not. May I be a better mother, daughter, sister, grand daughter, step daughter, step sister, aunty, niece, friend. May I be more diligently focussing on the good things in life – on Grace and mercy and not on my whinging and moaning. May I have learnt a little from my past 39 years and know where to go and where not to go. May I forgive more easily. May I be more humble. May I zip my mouth up waaaay more than I have in the past 39 years and think a lot less of the things I want to say and a lot more on the things those around me have to say. May I be quieter and kinder and a better listener to my family and friends. May I live more in the moment and less in the past and worries of the future. May I worry less. May I whinge and murmur less. May I last at the gym. Please?

Happy last night, to me, of being 39. Tomorrow is the start of a fresh new decade. I’m ready. I think.

Kim xx